DOUBLE-POST DAY: No! Sleep! Til feminist utopia! The story of Brian McFadden and my quivering quim

I think we can all agree that there is nothing sexier in this world than a washed-up ex-popstar trying to get us drunk enough that we are unable to resist his fumbling attempts at the sex.

Rape: having taken over the world of stand-up comedy, it is now the edgy choice for pop song topics! Welcome back to my world, Brian McFadden!

Controversy has, unsurprisingly and completely unintentionally, arisen over this delightful ditty's chorus:

I like you just the way you are / drunk dancing at the bar / Can't wait to get you home so I can do some damage

I like you just the way you are / drunk in the back seat of my car / Can't wait to get you home so I can take advantage

 My knickers are so wet that I am stuck to the seat right now. Which is a tragedy, because I need to run to my nearest Woolworths to buy this single instantly.

Oh sorry, for a moment there I thought it was 1999!

In his predictable defence he claims that he "wrote" the song (I know! Stop laughing at the back, it gets better!) about his fiancée, which frankly worries me: not just that he thinks that getting someone hammered is a logical prerequesite to sex, or that "do some damage" is a particularly hot way to describe The Act Of Lurve, or even that he thinks "but it's about my girlfriend!" is a defence against the charge that his song is seriously rapey (dude, maybe in a world where women weren't most likely to be raped by a friend or partner!) ... no, what worries me is that they are stuck in some frightening alternative abysmal erotic fiction universe, where

Your sex comes crashing into sight breathing lustful thunder

is a line which actually turns someone on.

Step away from the banjo, Brian. Step away.