PATIENT: Hi there, medical practitioner. I have been experiencing some abnormal and uncomfortable heart rhythms. Maybe we could check that out?
DR DICKFACE MCBULLYO: I see from your file that you have a history of depression. You're having panic attacks.
PATIENT: No, I have had panic attacks in the past, these are not panic attacks. Also, when the odd heart rhythms are occurring, I'm not panicked, and you'd think I'd notice if I was under so much stress that my body was initiating a fight/flight response, no?
DR DICKFACE MCBULLYO grabs PATIENT's arm and points vigorously at five-year-old self-harm scars.
DR DICKFACE MCBULLYO: What are these, then? You did these yourself, didn't you? You're having panic attacks. I can prescribe some anti-depressants.
It was supraventricular tachycardia, motherfucker.
Consider this Exhibit A, or, One Of The Worst Ways To Discuss A Patient's Mental Health.
Exhibit B: Yesterday a Superhero Nurse was taking my blood pressure. She gestured to my now ten-year-old self-harm scars (without touching them), confirmed they were very old, offered me an appointment with a counsellor, and took my word for it when I said my mental health needs were covered elsewhere.
And that is how you do it, Dr Dickface. You notice, you make it possible and comfortable for someone to disclose issues if they feel it's necessary, you offer relevant services without pushing, and you believe what they're saying to you.
You know. You treat them like a fucking human being.
Episode 36 in I Fucking Love GUM Clinics.
My blood pressure is perfect, by the way.