Friday, 27 January 2012

A Female on Femail: Bums, Bumps and Lovely Lady Lumps Edition

Today in SCIENCE: the G-Spot might not exist! Which has to be reported as BREAKING NEWS, despite the fact that this (some people say they have one, some don't; some scientists say they've found it, some don't) has been the prevailing view for years! But every few months we have to be AMAZED when SCIENCE proves that it totally does/doesn't exist, usually illustrated with this hilarious stock photo.

Oh, men. Ha ha! Do they know anything about women's anatomy?

Hey, here's a hint, The Daily Mail - don't mockingly accuse dudes of lacking awareness about inner lady-plumbing if you're going to illustrate said mocking with a picture which fails to identify the clitoris and seems to have let the cervix go walkabout.

That is going to be one tricky pregnancy.

So what else is hot in the world of women? Cougars! Bromance! Bumgate! (I do not know what this means.) Pregnancy is clearly the in thing, with various celebrities 'proudly displaying their baby bumps' - why are they always described as proud? Not that making an entire new person isn't an impressive feat, but most of the pictures in this genre seem to show 'woman walking to the park while being pregnant', or 'woman eating a sandwich while being pregnant', not 'woman painting her belly neon pink so that everyone will stop and gawk and congratulate her on having such a fantastic rotundity of embryo-casing'.

Turns out Cameron Diaz isn't "proud" - she is "cheeky". For using the word "rack".

Which brings us on to the next theme of today's Femail: CLEAVAGE WARS!

Oh, silly Vanessa Paradis, with her itty bitty titties: her fashion choice "fell a bit flat", says the Mail (DO YOU SEE WHAT THEY DID THERE), which proceeds to show us a full five close-up shots of her pathetic chest.

Olivia Wilde faced a similar problem, the poor thing, whereas the attendees of the National Television Awards were ticked off for having too much cleavage. It's almost as if there's some kind of double-bind whereby, no matter what you wear, the Daily Mail will cast aspersions on your size, taste, and morals!

 In case you were wondering - no. There is absolutely no way to win. Have a nice day.

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